We all know that first dates are the ultimate relationship chess match.
Men and women take their turns making verbal moves -- with the hopes
that nobody's going to get rooked. But the truth is that first dates,
very often, can be pretty far from the truth, with men and women acting
as spinmeisters who do what they can to put their best faces (and
personalities) forward. The stats certainly tell us that many people
lie on first dates (35 percent of men say they lie about their income,
and 35 percent of men also say they lie about their willingness to
commit). But if the goal is to determine whether the two of you may be
a good match, then part of the process is not just detecting the lies,
but also knowing the best things to say-and avoiding the worst. Do that
and you'll be well on your way to being the kind of person who will
engage, interest, and intrigue your across-the-table mate.
Say This: What do you do for fun?
Not That: What's your job like?
Standard question, sure. But it's one that will elicit a standard
answer-good people, I like what I do, blah blah blah. While most will
certainly get the employment issue covered, the conversation will be
more engaging-and you'll be more appealing-if you try to home in on
those outside interests. Certainly skydiving, poodle rescue, or soup
kitchens have got to be more interesting than conference calls and
Power Points.
Say This: You look fantastic
Not That: Good to see you
It may very well be good to see her, but that greeting is about as
vanilla as a McDonald's shake. Instead, it's all about conveying
enthusiasm-without having stalker sirens go off. No need for standing
ovations, but a simple compliment sets the tone. The tactic isn't just
for men to use on women, but can be especially effective in the
reverse.
Say This: Got any cool summer trips lined up?
Not That: What do you want to do with your life?
If you sound like you're an HR executive, he's going to feel like a
candidate for the position you have open at the moment-boyfriend and
potential husband. No matter how much he may dig you, he doesn't want
to feel like he's part of some master scheme of how you see your life
progressing. He won't mind talking about future plans along the way, as
long as your questions revolve around you or around him-not some grand
plan.
Say This: How's next Thursday?
Not That: Up to anything interesting this weekend? Want to meet up again soon?
Why be coy? Leave the game-playing for computer solitaire, and you'll
come off as confident (and more appealing) by being unafraid to take
the initiative. Plus, you'll strike the perfect balance-appearing like
you have a busy schedule, but also eager to try a second date. This
works especially well for women saying it to men, because men are so
used to feeling like they have to make the first, second, and third
moves before a relationship gets its bearings.
Say This: Where you headed for vacation? What's on your iPod? Read any good blogs lately?
Not That: Can you believe Sanjaya made it that far?
Current events, pop culture, and hair-boy's shaky voice all make for
great conversation-starters-and of course, they can show that you're
worldly, smart, and interested in other things besides your own life.
But soon after talking about the world at large, you need to find a way
to bring it back to the world of your dinner companion.
|
